My first period was as you would expect, unpleasant. Though as the last of my friends to reach this milestone, I already knew that this sudden bleeding from a body part with a name that still made me giggle, would not be my cause of death. Though, I suppose there is a reason that Beckham said hindsight is a wonderful thing, as I would happily return to that phase in my adolescence where my period symptoms were merely unpleasant. 

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My PMDD is all consuming, yet I only recognized it to be when I became a first-year university student. I had been so nervous to move away from home, I contemplated the most disastrous outcomes, convincing myself that this move to university would simply be social suicide! I had considered everything that could go wrong and by the time I arrived at my halls of residence, I was not only exhausted but excited to see what might just go right. 

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This exhaustion, however, continued for several months. I had always put it down to freshers' flu, a dying social battery, an overstimulated mind and the dramas formed from a group of teenage strangers turned flat mates. My periods had always been painful, yet now they were unbearable. I’d always had a slightly heavier flow than the rest of my friends, yet now I’d leaked within every pair of pants I owned and felt embarrassed using the communal washing machine. I always had down days, yet now I spent most of the month not wanting to be here anymore.  

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 My experience as a fresher was enjoyable, nonetheless. When I wasn’t entirely inebriated, or experiencing the subsequent deadly hangover, I had formed some of my favourite memories and met some of the best people. University hadn’t been a total car crash despite what my internal monologue suggested it would be. I recall wondering why this all just wasn’t enough. Why was I still so miserable when everything had gone so well? 

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I’ll fast-forward to March 2023, amid my second year at university. I was diagnosed with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder and prescribed a combined contraceptive pill to minimise the intensity of the symptoms of nausea, migraines, crippling anxiety, deep depression and chronic fatigue that I had been experiencing.  

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Days at a time would pass and I had only seen the outside of my bedroom door to go to the toilet. I missed months of lectures and seminars despite having every intention to attend and solidify the friendships I had begun to establish on my course in my first year. I recall having a week of normality each month, with the remaining three weeks consumed by exhaustion and depression leaving me unable to crawl out of bed.  

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I asked my mum, Miss Jaqueline Flavin, who also happens to be my very best friend, how my PMDD diagnosis and the extremities of my period symptoms impact her. She stated that ‘It is deeply distressing to see the effects of PMDD on someone you love and have always been able to support’.  

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‘It’s like seeing a dark cloud surround someone, altering their character beyond recognition. It transformed my daughter from an outgoing, sociable girl to one who simply could not function on any level with everyday activities’. 

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My contraceptive pill has minimised my symptoms drastically. I now only endure a period every six months and no longer feel consumed by my PMDD symptoms, most of the time. However, it has taken almost a year of adjustment to get to this point.  

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When I first began taking the combined contraceptive pill, I remember feeling like I was simply pumping even more negative hormones into my body and worsening my symptoms in the process. I began to research alternative remedies, desperate to feel able to simply function as the depression and fatigue literally took over my life. I then came across the benefits of taking magnesium glycinate capsules daily, alongside my contraceptive pill and antidepressants.

 

I truly believe that this combination allowed the doctor’s suggestions of things that may benefit me, possible to attempt. Where previously exercise to release endorphins and long warm baths to alleviate the pain felt impossible as getting out of bed was a mammoth task within itself, I now feel capable to shower everyday again and find that runs along the sea front massively improve my mood. My attendance at university has dramatically improved and it no longer feels like an impossible task to balance the completion of my assignments, attendance at my part-time job and my social life.  

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PMDD is not a temporary or fixable condition though. I still have days where I feel utterly incapable of keeping my eyes open for long enough to brush my teeth or have a shower and here lies the catalyst for this blog. I am so fortunate that I no longer feel entirely consumed by my PMDD, however for such a long time I felt my life was constantly on catchup. From bailing on plans with friends, to repetitively requesting deadline extensions on my assignments and consistently calling in sick to work, throughout my luteal phase. Only to return to that week of normality and attempt to pick up the pieces. I felt a hybridisation between my PMDD symptoms and isolation. Hence why I want to use my corner of the internet to build a community of people like me, who may have previously possessed no knowledge of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, yet now no longer feel alone. 

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