Since my daughter could walk and talk, her favorite film has been Monsters Inc and since she would run everywhere as a toddler, and still has not learnt when to stop talking, my wife and I call her Booh. Our tenacious, loving and determined Booh is now 20-years-old and studying to become a journalist at university. Her life is vibrant and full of love and laughter, but what has led her to this place of optimism and overall, happiness, is what I want to discuss with you today. 

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  My experience with neurodiversity is intimate. My daughter was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety disorder at just 13 years old for which, four years later she was medicated for. Having watched her experience distressing panic attacks, a complete loss of her appetite resulting in drastic weight loss, hair loss due to stress, and depressive periods leaving her feeling so hopeless, our family feared for her safety. I have developed a greater understanding and compassion for the holistic and often debilitating impacts of neurodiversity in the form of Depression and Anxiety disorders. 

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According to the British Medical Bulletin, published in 2020, between 15% to 20% of the population are considered ‘neurodivergent’. So surely, we must all possess some understanding of neurodiversity and the diverse ways in which it manifests? This umbrella term provides us with a framework for understanding human brain function, cognitive development, and mental health. With those described as ‘neurodivergent’ forming the members of society whose brains work differently to what is deemed ‘normal’ or ‘neurotypical.’ Some of the most common examples of neurodivergence include Autism, ADHD, Tourette's Syndrome, Dyslexia and Epilepsy. However, the term neurodiversity also encompasses chronic mental health conditions like: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety and Depression. I believe it is key to note that no two people think the same and neurodiversity is something to be celebrated, like all our differences.

 

My experience with neurodiversity as a father has enlightened me on the difficulties faced by many. Despite her academic and diligent nature, Booh’s school years were the most difficult. There is a stigma attached to those who suffer from mental illness or neurodiversity, it markets them as lazy, unwilling to work hard and arguably self-indulgent. Yet, like many other mental health sufferers and neurodivergent individuals, Booh was and remains to be none of those things. You see, it was never the exams or assignments she lacked motivation for, if anything she excelled. It was having the capacity to get out of bed, brush her teeth and walk to school when her world felt hopeless, and a dark cloud hovered above her head despite any attempt to shake it off through exercise, diet, or sleep.  

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It was at this time that my understanding of neurodivergence, specifically in the form of Depression and Anxiety disorders, began to grow as I witnessed Booh, grit her teeth through rounds of counselling, talking therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with no success in clearing the cloud. My understanding developed from possessing sympathy for the unfortunate and limiting circumstances the neurodiverse are faced with yet still believing that neurodiversity was inevitably fixable if the individual worked hard enough. To a deeper understanding of the chemical imbalances that cause Depression and Anxiety Disorders and a greater empathy for those faced with neurodiversity un-treated and without emotional support.  

I began to recognize my inability, despite all my efforts, to stop the rain pouring from the dark cloud that hovered over my daughter’s head. Which initially felt disheartening as all I wanted as a father was to shelter my children from pain and danger. But through years of tight hugs, unwavering support, and constant reminders that ‘Papa Loves Booh,’ I began to realize that all my daughter really needed was for me to stand with an umbrella for her. And that eventually, alongside my wife’s and my unconditional love, support and openness to talk, always. Booh was prescribed with anti-depressants and beta blockers to balance those chemicals in her brain and clear the cloud that hovered above her head.  

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Despite the difficulties she has faced, Booh went on to achieve 10 GCSE’s, 2 A’s and an A* at A level and is currently in her second year at the University of Brighton studying media, with the same tenaciousness, previously used for debating pocket money amounts with her mum, that now drives her in building a journalism portfolio with the hopes of working for the New York Times one day. This highlights once more that neurodiverse individuals are certainly not all lazy, unwilling to work hard and underachievers as the stereotypes suggest. And, as her parents, we are extremely proud of her. But a point I am eager to highlight is although this sounds like a success story. And of course, we, as a family, are fortunate that it is. Neurodiversity in any form is unfixable, it is, as I previously mentioned, an umbrella term that enables us all to understand the diverse ways our brains work and the different impacts these may cause. At times, Booh’s cloud reappears, often with no trigger or circumstantial reasoning. And it is during these times that my wife and I listen, allow her to feel heard and offer advice and support, alongside the coping mechanisms she has developed for herself. 

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When my daughter was three, she stared up at me for several moments and when I asked why she was staring blankly back at me she chuckled, “I wanted to see if you would smile at me daddy.” To which I responded, “I will always smile back at you.” This anecdote is pivotal in encapsulating my growth in understanding neurodiversity and how to successfully provide those who experience it with support. I learnt that all my neurodiverse daughter really needed was to know that despite the abnormalities and chemical imbalances in her brain that caused this Depression and Anxiety, I would always smile back at her and remind her that ‘Papa Loves Booh’.